Marble Falls At a local farmer’s market there was a stack of boxes of donuts and a table next to them with a small chalkboard that said, “Donuts for Fathers.” I was sitting in my truck as mi companera made the rounds to her delight. One father picked up a donut and laughed to his kids that they couldn’t have one, since they weren’t fathers. Most just passed the donuts by. Finally, the people with booths on either side of the donuts started hawking them to everyone, regardless of the sign. One dad passed them out to his tribe. The whole idea seemed to be falling flat. Was it glazed donuts or fathers that were problem?
What’s up with dads anyway? The New York Times trying to ride the wave of this day collected 25 questions of different types that children might want to ask their fathers in order to take their measure. Our children aren’t with us today, so maybe I’ll take a crack at a few of them to save them the trouble, in case they read that piece and give us a shout.
What was your first job? My kids know this one already to their pain. At 12 or so, I started mowing yards. I still do it. First down the block and around the corner, as well as for any people going on vacation, who I could door knock, or who contacted my parents. It was $2 for a yard and $3 if we edged the sidewalk. My brother joined me, who my children believe I exploited by paying him only a quarter to sweep. My kids first job was similar, when as the Lawn Masters they mowed the yards of our offices in New Orleans.
When you were growing up, what was your idea of what a dad should be like? My dad was a 50’s dad working for a big company. He was from California. We were born in the West and transferred around the west and then Kentucky until we landed in New Orleans. He carpooled to the office after taking the bus for years. Dinner was exactly at 5:15pm. It was hard for me to be on time. There was no TV. He smoked a pipe and listened to the news or worked in the yard. We were meant to be quiet and studying, except at dinner where there was a lot of give and take conversation, and often my dad would share the cleaner jokes that he picked up at work.
When you were younger, how did you spend your free time? Depending on the season, I rode my bike around the neighborhood and joined pickup games of football, basketball, and baseball. At home, we read. One summer it was all of the westerns in the local library. Another time it was all of the “We Were There” books. We were scouts.
What good things from your childhood did you hope to pass down to me. Both of our children were in scouting from soup to nuts. Chaco was an Eagle, just as his uncle and I were. I loved camping, and we made sure our kids took advantage of every opportunity to do the same. Moving from place to place and my dad’s job during many summers travelling from one oil field to another throughout the west, gave me the travel bug, which my work has extended. Both of our children embraced the same adventure. My bug, their genes.
Did you see yourself becoming a man of this age? In this work, many of us never thought we would make it past 30, as foolish as that might sound now, but it was different time. It gave me a sense of urgency that every day was invaluable and mattered if the work would move forward. I’m still glad for every day and driven from dawn to dusk, but delighted to be old and feel lucky for the time.
Are there things you wish you could say to your own father that you have never said? My dad died 18 years ago, and there’s hardly a week that goes by that I don’t wish I had worked harder to get him to answer all of these questions and that I don’t wish I had told him more about how much he meant to me, good times and bad. We always think there will more time for this, and then the time runs out, ready or not.